Wednesday, June 3, 2020

Questions

Seeing something next to Elizabeth's bed, I asked, "Elizabeth, why are there dirty clothes on the floor?"

Elizabeth glanced away from her book to see what was on the floor and then responded, "That's a really good question, dad!"

"Elizabeth, that was my way of asking you to go pick it up."  

"Dad, that would have been much more clear if you had just said that instead of asking it as a question."  

I can't wait until she's a teenager.  

Monday, May 18, 2020

How to Make Everyone Think You're a Millionaire

I have a cup that I dump my pocket full of change in when I get home.  I've been using the same cup for many years, but since I so rarely use cash, the cup is not as big as you may expect.

Due to coronavirus boredom, Elizabeth begged to count the change in the cup.  I quickly agreed.

When Elizabeth finished, she brought the cup back to me and said, "Pro tip, dad.  Keep the pennies at the bottom so people only see the quarters, nickels and dimes. People will think you're a millionaire!!!"

Thursday, April 30, 2020

Playing Games with Lizzie

Starting around last Thanksgiving, we started playing a lot of games as a family.  Mostly various card games.

Playing with Elizabeth can be a challenge because it feels like she's all over the place.  She's hyper.  It seems like she doesn't pay attention.  She can be loud.  She wants to play with the dog and do other things in the middle of the game.  I'm constantly barking at her to pay attention.

Yet, somehow, she seems to win more often than she doesn't.

I've always attributed this to the luck of card games.  Until tonight.  

As she won the last game, she made a comment - something along the lines of, "Hey, pro tip, it really helps if you memorize what other people play" (her comment was a bit more nuanced based on the way the game is played).

Elizabeth then rattled off what she had memorized about our hands during the course of the game.

Huh...I guess Elizabeth's consistent winning isn't just the luck of the draw, and she's paying way, way, way more attention than we thought.


Thank You

Elizabeth's favorite candy are the chocolate malt balls called Whoppers.  She loves the things.  Passionately.  But she doesn't get them very often.

A gave her a couple of those little chocolate malt balls, which she quickly devoured.

She turned to me, showing me that she finished her treat.  I knew she was about to start pleading and negotiating for more.

"Elizabeth," I said.  "I was nice enough to let you have some candy.  You're not going to complain that it wasn't enough and ask for more, are you?"

Without missing a beat, Elizabeth responded, "Of course not.  That would be ridiculous."

"Oh, then what where you about to say?"

"I just wanted to say thank you for everything you do!!!"

Tuesday, April 28, 2020

I'm Thankful For...Coffee in the Mornings

It's nice waking up and having a nice, hot cup of coffee.

Katie has watched us make coffee for a while now with keen interest.  This is a ten year old who loves coffee.  Loves it.  For several years, she's had a love for coffee, and, occasionally, we will let her have a sip.

Right before the start of the coronavirus self-isolation, Katie proudly showed us that she's been paying attending to how we make our coffee (which certainly isn't rocket science since we have a Keurig).  She takes mixing in one Splenda with a little bit of cream very seriously.

For nearly two months, Katie brings us a cup of coffee in bed each and every morning.  She's never been asked to do this.

Katie is not a morning person, but she loves getting up before us to get our coffee made.  When she started this new chore, she would deliver our coffee to us as 6:30 a.m.  That's just a little earlier than we'd really like to enjoy our coffee.

Now she's moved this to about 7:00-7:15 a.m. every morning, which is perfect.

I'm thankful for a daughter who brings us coffee each and every morning without being asked.

Saturday, April 18, 2020

Stuff Sheltering in Place in Manhattan is Causing Me to Do

In the last few weeks, I've started doing something I never expected I'd do: laundry in the bathtub.

Living in a Manhattan, we don't have a washer or dryer in our apartment.  

We have a laundry room in the building, but we have practically a thousand people who live in the building.  And statistically, we likely have more people who have COVID-19 living in this building than there are people who have it in most towns in America.  

So, while Wife does occasionally brave the laundry room for some laundry that we really can't do in the bathtub, we try to minimize those trips by washing most items in the bathtub.

Yeah, the kids are going to remember this period in our lives forever.  And so will the parents.    

Friday, April 17, 2020

Get Out of Bed and Put on a Shirt

A Florida judge has a message for attorneys participating in court hearings by video conference: get out of bed and put on a shirt. 

From Judge Dennis Bailey's letter: "One comment that needs sharing and that is the judges would appreciate it if the lawyers and their clients keep in mind these Zoom hearings are just that: hearings. They are not casual phone conversations. It is remarkable how many ATTORNEYS appear inappropriately on camera. We've seen many lawyers in casual shirts and blouses, with no concern for ill-grooming, in bedrooms with the master bed in the background, etc. One male lawyer appeared shirtless and one female attorney appeared still in bed, still under the covers. And putting on a beach cover-up won't cover up you're poolside in a bathing suit. So, please, if you don't mind, let's treat court hearings as court hearings, whether Zooming or not."

Thursday, April 16, 2020

What Can We See from Our Apartment?

Wife and I were talking last week, and she commented that would be great to have some binoculars so we could see what’s around us while we’re locked in our apartment.

We could see the Hudson River, some of the ships (like the Navy’s Comfort), the Statue of Liberty, One World Trade Center, Hudson Yards and over to New Jersey. 

So I ordered a pair of binoculars. 

As soon as the binoculars arrived, and I open them up and looked out the window. 

I was shocked that the first thing I saw was a woman with binoculars in the apartment building across from us staring back at me. 

I feel rather violated, but I am staring at her with binoculars.

True story.

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

Stuff the Coronavirus is Causing Me to Do

During this period of social distancing and house arrest, I've started doing something I never thought I'd do.  I bought hair clippers, and I'm cutting my own hair.  We've been doing this isolation thing long enough that today I gave myself my 3rd haircut.  I'm not ready to quit my day job, but I've paid for worse haircuts than I give myself.

Sunday, April 12, 2020

Coronavirus in Manhattan Causes a Different Kind of Easter Celebration

Well, the last six weeks or so have been...ummm...interesting.  For posterity's sake, we realized we need to update the blog with how the COVID-19 pandemic is impacting our family in Midtown Manhattan.

We've been hiding out right in the middle of what has become the epicenter of this epidemic.  It's not unusual to look out the window and see first-responders there to take the sick to the hospital. But sometimes it looks like the victims of the pandemic are headed to straight to the the morgue.

Sure, maybe our fears and actions are overblown.  After all, we're young.  Reasonably.  We're healthy.   Reasonably.  The vast majority of the victims recover just fine.  But not all.

Will we ever get the pictures of the mass graves from right around us in Hart Island out of our mind?

Will the knowledge that parents around us are dying in isolation, family members barred from saying goodbye be seared into our psyche.

How can life go back to how it was after Wife spends an evening texting with a friend who is deathly ill from the virus herself, but using all of her strength to try to figure out how to dispose of her mother's corpse before the City carries through with the threat to bury her mother in a potter's field.

Most of America is going through the same thing we are - social distancing and staying home.  What makes our experience a bit unique is that our family of four is hiding out in an apartment that is smaller than most American's bedroom.  Of course, our dog has no idea what's going on, but having his humans with him constantly has him happier than he's ever been.  He hopes this continues indefinitely.

When this pandemic is behind us, the world will be looking back on these events to analyze armchair quarterback what occurred.  I suspect this will continue for months, years, decades and even centuries.

My whole life, I've heard how those who lived through the Great Depression had certain idiosyncrasies due to what they went through.  For better or worse, we'll probably have the same thing.  Will we ever shake hands again?  Will holding the handrail on a crowded subway ever seem safe?  Will Monk's fear of germs ever seem funny again?  Will American's walk around the street looking like bank robbers become a permanent aspect of society?  Even in the best case scenarios, I suspect there will be a piece of us that never goes completely back to our previous mindset.

There likely never be a time in our lives again, when we go months with only spending a few occasional moments more than 25 feet from our immediate family.  I suspect that in a few decades, when I'm an old man and my girls are grown, this period of closeness may be some of the fondest memories of my life.

Or maybe this will be remembered as the lull before America's, or even the world's, economic collapse.  Maybe the biggest takeaway from this will be he federal, state and local government's ability to make monumental demands of its citizens and businesses.  Maybe there will be many of us who never go back to the type of human interactions we experienced a few weeks ago.  But right now we just need survive - and to try to do our part so the more vulnerable around us survive.

For the last five weeks, church has been cancelled.  The building is closed.  There are no in person meetings.  Of course, our church - most churches - has tried to minister and provide the ability to worship online, but watching an online video stream isn't the same as the church gathering together.  But it's the best we can do given the circumstances.  Organizing church programming has certainly kept Wife busy.

When church was initially closed, today was the day that everybody targeted for opening back up.  We thought we'd take a month to let the virus pass and then start meeting together for Easter.

Nope.

Today we celebrated the Resurrection in our apartment.  We watched a few church services online, but never left our apartment.  Wife worked hard to make us all Easter baskets, so in that respect, it was normal.  We even colored eggs.  So many elements of today make it just like a normal Easter Sunday.  But it wasn't.

Monday, August 6, 2018

Envelopes

After a period where the girls seemed to be pushing every boundary possible, I said to the girls in my most exasperated voice, "Girls, stop pushing the envelope!"

Katie responded in her sweetest voice, "But, Daddy, Elizabeth and I don't have an envelope." 

And that's the story of how Katie ended up in a time out.  

Sunday, August 5, 2018

It's What Makes Me Special

Over breakfast, Katie was complaining that she had trouble sleeping because of some particularly loud noise outside the previous night.  

Elizabeth immediately responded, "Well, I heard nothing, and I slept great last night thanks to my hearing loss.  It's what makes me special."

Sunday, July 15, 2018

The Relationship of Siblings

Katie and I just had this conversation.

Katie: Daddy, Elizabeth is annoying me so badly!

Dad: Yeah, sometimes siblings annoy each other.  That's what siblings do.

Katie: Did your sister annoy you when you were growing up?

Dad: Yes, she sure did.

Katie: Really!  Elizabeth is poking me!  And she won't stop talking!  And if I stop paying attention to her she pokes me!  Did your sister annoy you like that?

Dad: Actually, I think that's more how I annoyed her.

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Katie's Musical Preferences

After lunch, we are sitting around the table talking, and with a laugh Elizabeth sang a couple of lines with a thick country twang.  The girls had this conversation:

Katie: Are you trying to sing a country song?

Elizabeth: No, I'm trying to sing terrible. 

Katie: Same thing.

Wife is crushed that Katie doesn't seem to have her appreciation for country music. 

Thursday, July 5, 2018

Girls are Amazing

The girls are watching an old episode of America's Funniest Videos (or whatever it's called now).

A video is shown of a pregnant mother revealing to her little boy that he will have a sister.

The boy is crying, "I don't want a sister!  I don't want a sister!"

Elizabeth looked up and said, "Why is he crying?  Girls are AMAZING!"

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

Happy Independence Day!


This was the second picture... the first picture was just the girls.  Perry was very upset he was not included.  You can see part of him on the picture below as he jumped up in attempt of photo bombing!

Monday, July 2, 2018

Katie and the Subway

Katie is trying to convince us that she's almost 9 years old, so this summer she should be allowed to take the subway by herself.  She's passionate and consistent with her plea.  There is zero chance she wins this issue.  Zero.  I've told her we'll discuss the possibility when she turns 18.

But how in the world did Katie get so old that she can rationally and persistently plead to ride the subway by herself?

There's absolutely no chance.  None.  

Sunday, July 1, 2018

BBQ and Stuff Elizabeth Says

As we're eating some BBQ ribs, Elizabeth starts chanting, "Eat eat the bone, Daddy!  Eat the Bone!  Eat the Bone, Daddy!!." 

Why would I want to eat the bone?

Because that way, if you break a bone, you'll have a spare bone all ready to take its place!

Saturday, June 30, 2018

TobyMac and Stuff Elizabeth Says

Yesterday morning, we got up at the crack of dawn to see TobyMac and the Diverse City Band performing in Midtown for one of the morning shows yesterday morning.

TobyMac has a bit of a special place in our hearts.  I saw TobyMac and DC Talk perform in 1990 when I was young and not too many people knew who they were.  After DC Talk hit it big, I saw them again in 1998.  Shortly after we met, Wife saw them in 2001 in one of their last concerts as DC Talk.  After we got married, Wife and I went to see TobyMac in Dallas at a mud-covered musical festival in 2007 that is definitely one of the greatest, funniest memories of our marriage. Back in 2015, we took the girls to see TobyMac and Diverse City in Times Square.  So, when we heard that TobyMac and his band would be here yesterday, we decided we had to get up to go see him.  I'm glad we did because it is another family memory that I know we'll treasure. 

As TobyMac and the band were on stage chatting with the audience in between commercial breaks some guy in the packed crowd started screaming something to the musicians on stage.  Despite the guy screaming at the top of his lungs, I don't think TobyMac heard him. But Elizabeth's ears were only a few feet from the guy. Elizabeth, without missing a beat, immediately turned to the screaming guy and yelled back at him, "Dude, seriously???  Be quiet!!!"

A women next to us spoke up, "I'm glad she said it because I was about to!"

I'm glad it was a crowd there for a Christian concert.  They are much more understanding as we try to teach Elizabeth that sometimes people are loud at outdoor concerts. 

Sunday, May 27, 2018

I Am Not Prepared for This

As we are walking around a store on Memorial Day weekend, I had this conversation with Katie.

Katie: Hey, let's go look at bras.

Me: You want to go look for a new bra for mom?

Katie: Ummm....no...I want to go look for a new bra for me.

I am so not ready for this.

Sunday, May 6, 2018

Doing Things Wrong

Both girls just wrote a speech along with special songs they wanted us to hear, and the girls asked us to sit and listen to them deliver their speeches and sing their songs.  

Elizabeth's speech started with:

"Daddy and Mommy, thank you for taking care of me.  And loving me.  And buying things for me.  And thank you that the only time you are ever mean is when I do something wrong ... ummm....on accident.  But sometimes, ummm, the truth is that sometimes I do things wrong on purpose.  Anyway, I love you mommy and daddy."  

Sunday, March 25, 2018

Elizabeth's Palm Sunday Question

Today is Palm Sunday.  As we do nearly every Sunday, we went to church.  Katie spends about half the the service with us before leaving with the other grade school children for their class.  Elizabeth spends the service in her kindergarten Sunday school class.

In her Sunday school class this morning, Elizabeth, of course, learned about what happened on Palm Sunday nearly two thousand years ago.  The kindergarten teacher explained to the class that, on Palm Sunday, people put their coats onto the road, and then Jesus rode a donkey down the street.  The donkey walked on the coats as the crowd cheered, "Hosanna!  Hosanna!"

Elizabeth raised her hand.  "Excuse me.  I have a question.  So, people put their coats on the road and then Jesus rode on a donkey.  And the donkey walked the coats, right?  Well, what if the donkey had diarrhea?  Animals do that sometimes."
 
It was an honest question that was really bothering Elizabeth.  But I sympathize with Elizabeth's Sunday school teacher.   

 

Monday, February 19, 2018

I Want to Survive

As was in the kitchen, I just overheard the girls having the following conversation in the living room.

Elizabeth: "Katie, can I have some of your water?"

Katie: "No."

***gulp, gulp, gulp, gulp****

Katie: "I said, NO, you could not have any of my water!!!"

Elizabeth (while shrugging): "Well, I want to survive."

Katie: "Huh???"

Elizabeth: "Water is necessary to live.  And I want to survive."

Saturday, January 20, 2018

Making Change

For her birthday, I gave Elizabeth an educational game that teaches kids to make change. 

You want to buy an apple.  That's 5 cents.  Easy enough.

You want to buy an orange.  That's 10 cents.  Easy peasy. 

You want to buy a hat.  That's 37 cents. 

Elizabeth thinks for a moment, and then suggests, "I know.  There's an easier way to do this.  I'll give you a dollar, and then you give me change."

Monday, January 1, 2018

Sent Back to School

Elizabeth was explaining to me what she is learning in kindergarten.  She has learned a hand motion for every sound/letter, so she sounds out words and puts a hand motion with each sound that is made.  Apparently, it will help with spelling/reading.

She asked me to do the motions for a word, and I explained to her that I didn't know how.

"WHAT???  What did you learn in kindergarten????  You need to go back to school and repeat kindergarten!!!"

Wow...I'll be in real trouble as they move up in school.  

A New Ballet

The girls have been working hard on a new project this morning.  There has been a lot of whispering and a lot of teamwork.  They just announced the project to us:

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have a ballet for your enjoyment!  It's our rendition of the Nutcracker.  It has an introduction, followed by three acts.  Each act is one hour, with a 5-10 minute intermission between each act.  We have front row seats for you right here. Please, sit here.  Put your phones down; phones are not permitted in the auditorium. *Alexa, play the Nutcracker by Tchaikovsk.*"

I guess I know what I'm doing on this holiday afternoon.

Sunday, December 31, 2017

Should I Shave my Goatee?

During the last week and a half, I began growing a goatee.  It's been almost ten years since I've had any facial hair, so this is completely new to the girls.  

I asked Katie if I should keep my goatee or shave it off. 

She responded, "Well, it's your decision.  But, just so you know, you look awkward.  And it feels disgusting.  But it's your decision."

Saturday, December 30, 2017

A Tinch of Snow!

It's snowing!  

Elizabeth explained that we will be getting a tinch of snow today.

Ummm...Elizabeth, do you mean an "inch" of snow?

No, she repeated, a TINCH of snow.

What is a "tinch of snow"?

Elizabeth explained that this is when we get somewhere in between a teensy bit of snow and an inch of snow.

So, we should be getting about a tinch of snow today.  Maybe more.

Get Dressed

Wife just handed Elizabeth her clothes with instructions to go into the bathroom and get dressed.  

Two minutes later, Elizabeth comes out almost completely naked.  But she turned every article of clothing into a hat that she has on her head.

Elizabeth proudly announced, "I did it!  All of my clothes are on me!  And I'm even fully dressed.  Look, I'm wearing a smile!!!"

Friday, December 15, 2017

Best. Parents. Ever.

Elizabeth was at a friend's house yesterday on a play date.  We'll call the friend Jane.  Elizabeth had the following conversation with Jane's parents:

"Last night, I woke up and I was thinking in bed.  I was thinking about how Jane has the best parents ever.  Then I realized that she doesn't because I have the best Mom and Dad ever.  But after my Mom and Dad, you guys are the best."