The IRS Complicates Everything

The IRS has the uncanny ability to complicate just about anything beyond comprehension. Recently, Congress instituted a new section of the code, Section 409A. This new provision is going to be my bread and butter. In a nutshell, the code says that deferred compensation can only be paid on certain events without very, very bad tax penalties (see, I can make it simple). One of those events when compensation can be paid is death. Last year, the IRS released Regulations for the purpose of explaining and offering guidance on these regs. The following is the IRS explanation of what constitutes "death."

Part III – Administrative, Procedural, and Miscellaneous

2008 Application Death Under § 409A to Nonqualified Deferred Compensation Plans

Notice 2007-90

I. PURPOSE

This notice provides additional guidance on the application of a service

recipient’s death under § 409A of the Internal Revenue Code to nonqualified deferred

compensation plans. This guidance includes:

• A more precise definition of death (also known as “separation from life”).

• Presumptions the Service will apply in determining if a service recipient has

experienced a separation from life under § 409A.

• Examples detailing situations that the help illustrate the Treasury’s position on

separation from life.

II. BACKGROUND

Section 409A provides certain requirements applicable to nonqualified deferred

compensation plans. If a plan does not meet those requirements, participants in the

plan are required to immediately include amounts deferred under the plan in income

and pay additional taxes on such income.

The Treasury Department and the IRS issued final regulations under § 409A in

April 2007 (72 Fed. Reg. 19234 (April 17, 2007)). The final regulations apply to taxable

years beginning on or after January 1, 2008. In general, the final regulations provide

that payment may be made under a nonqualified deferred compensation plan upon a

service provider’s death. Commentators stated that taxpayers anticipate difficulties in

formally determining if a service provider is dead. In addition, a number of

commentators have raised questions regarding the application of the final regulations to

certain types of deaths. This notice is issued in response to these comments and

questions.

III. DEATH

A. In General

For purposes of determining if a service provider (or a service provider’s

beneficiary or estate) is entitled to a payment under a nonqualified deferred

compensation plan on account of the service provider’s death, the Treasury will

consider a service provider to be dead if the service provider’s death meets the criteria

necessary for a separation from life.

B. Separation from Life

1. In General

A service provider separates from life with the service recipient if the service

provider has a termination of all mental and bodily functions. However, the service

provider’s life is treated as continuing intact while the individual is temporarily

unconscious, having an out of body experience, cryogenically frozen or experiencing

another bona fide leave of absence from the individual’s conscious state, if the period of

such leave does not exceed ten minutes, or if longer, so long as the individual retains a

right to regain life and/or reanimation under an applicable contract (with the devil or

otherwise) or other arrangement.

If the period of leave exceeds ten minutes and the individual does not retain a

right to regain life and/or reanimation under an applicable contract or other

arrangement, the death is deemed to occur on the first minute immediately following

such ten-minute period. Notwithstanding the foregoing, where a leave is due to any

medically determinable physical or mental impairment that can be expected to result in

death, where such impairment causes the service provider to be unable to perform the

essential functions of life without mechanical support, a 525,600 minute period of

absence may be substituted for such ten minute period.

2. Termination of Life

A service provider will be deemed to have experienced a separation from life if

he or she experiences a termination of life. Whether a termination of life has occurred is

determined based on whether the facts and circumstances indicate that the service

provider reasonably anticipated (or would have reasonably anticipated) that no further

mental and bodily functions would be performed after a certain date or that the level of

bona fide mental and bodily functions the service provider would perform after such

date (whether with or without mechanical assistance) would permanently decrease to

no more than 20 percent of the average level of bona fide mental and bodily functions

performed (whether with or without mechanical assistance) over the immediately

preceding 36-month period (or the full period of life if the service provider has been

living less than 36 months). Facts and circumstances to be considered in making this

determination include, but are not limited to, whether the service provider continues to

be treated as living for other purposes (such as whether or not he or she continues to

receive a paycheck from the service recipient), whether similarly situated service

providers have been treated consistently by the service recipient, and whether the

service provider is permitted, and realistically available, to perform services for other

service recipients. A service provider is presumed to have separated from life where the

level of bona fide mental and bodily functions performed decreases to a level equal to

20 percent or less of the average level of mental and bodily functions performed by the

service provider during the immediately preceding 36-month period. A service provider

will be presumed not to have separated from service where the level of bona fide mental

and bodily functions performed continues at a level that is 50 percent or more of the

average level of mental and bodily functions performed by the service provider during

the immediately preceding 36-month period. No presumption applies to a decrease in

the level of bona fide mental and bodily functions performed to a level that is more than

20 percent and less than 50 percent of the average level of bona fide mental and bodily

functions performed during the immediately preceding 36-month period. The

presumption is rebuttable by demonstrating that the service provider reasonably

anticipated that as of a certain date the level of bona fide mental and bodily functions

would be reduced permanently to a level less than or equal to 20 percent of the average

level of bona fide mental and bodily functions provided during the immediately

preceding 36-month period or full period of life if the service provider has been alive for

a period of less than 36 months (or that the level of bona fide mental and bodily

functions would not be so reduced). For example, an service provider may demonstrate

that the service provider reasonably anticipated that the service provider would cease

mental and bodily functions, but that, after the original cessation of mental and bodily

functions, a deal made with God (such as in the movie “Heaven Can Wait”) caused the

service provider to return to life. Although the service provider’s return to life may cause

the service provider to be presumed to have continued to live because the service

provider is performing mental and bodily functions at a rate equal to the rate at which

the service provider was performing mental and bodily functions before the termination

of life, the facts and circumstances in this case would demonstrate that at the time the

service provider originally ceased to perform mental and bodily functions, the service

provider reasonably anticipated that the service provider would not perform mental and

bodily functions in the future.

Notwithstanding the foregoing paragraph, a plan may treat another level of

reasonably anticipated permanent reduction in the level of bona fide mental and bodily

functions as a separation from life, provided that the level of reduction required must be

designated in writing as a specific percentage, and the reasonably anticipated reduced

level of bona fide mental and bodily functions must be greater than 20 percent but less

than 50 percent of the average level of bona fide mental and bodily functions provided

in the immediately preceding 36 months. The plan must specify the definition of

separation from life on or before the date on which a separation from life is designated

as a time of payment of the applicable amount deferred, and once designated, any

change to the definition of separation from life with respect to such amount deferred will

be subject to the rules regarding subsequent deferrals and the acceleration of

payments. For purposes of this paragraph, for periods during which a service provider is

experiencing a bona fide absence (as described in section III(B)(2)) and has not

otherwise terminated life pursuant to this paragraph, the service provider is treated as

performing bona fide mental and bodily functions at a level equal to the level of mental

and bodily functions that the service provider would have been required to perform to

receive the compensation. In this regard, the Service recognizes that not all jobs

require the same level of mental and/or bodily functions.

3. Examples

Example 1 – Joanna uses 10% of her brain and 90% of her body on a daily

basis. Joanna gets hit by a truck such that she can only use 2% of her brain and 18%

of her body. If Joanna’s nonqualified deferred compensation plan provides for

payments on separation from life, Joanna is entitled to payment under her nonqualified

deferred compensation plan because she is only providing mental and bodily functions

equal to 20% of the bona fide mental and bodily functions she was performing before

she was hit by a truck.

Example 2 – Pete uses 5% of his brain and 50% of his body on a daily basis.

Pete has struck a deal with the devil such that, in exchange for his soul, Pete retains the

right to regain life after the first two times that he would otherwise separate from life.

Pete gets mauled by a cougar and is not performing any mental and bodily functions for

more than 10 minutes. However, because Pete retains the right to regain life, he has

not experienced a separation from life.

Example 3 – The same facts as Example 2 except that the devil realizes he got a

raw deal because Pete does not have a soul. Because the contract providing Pete the

right to regain life is not valid, even under the laws of hell, Pete no longer has the right

to regain life pursuant to a contract or other arrangement, and therefore experiences a

separation from life at the expiration of the 10-minute period.

VII. DRAFTING INFORMATION

The principal author of this notice is B. L. Zebub of the Office of Division

Counsel/Associate Chief Counsel (Tax Exempt and Government Entities). However,

other personnel from the Treasury Department and the IRS participated in its

development. For further information regarding this notice, contact B.L. Zebub at

(666) 911-4355 (not a toll-free call).

If you made it all the way through that, congratulations. And, yes, it is a joke.

Celebrity Sighting

The other day I had another celebrity sighting (I guess that is one of the pluses of working in the heart of NY). This time, I actually recognized the celebrity right away. I saw the very short, Seth Green. He claims to be 5'3", but I know I felt taller than him (I am definitely not on the tall side).

Appointed Forever

One of the funniest songs ever written: "Appointed Forever," by the Bar and Grill Singers

Bad Day in Court

I'm plugging away in my cave, but I just came upon this recent 5th Circuit Court of Appeals case where the Court found it necessary to take one of the lawyers to task. Trust me, this is worth reading. I was afraid I was going to get kicked out of the library I laughed so loudly. For you non-U.S. legal scholars, the 5th Circuit is a federal court that is just below the United States Supreme Court (so, it's a big deal to argue a case there).

This little exchange occurred during oral arguments. The court was so appalled that they transcribed the conversation into a footnote so that it would be forever recorded in American legal history (footnote 4 on page 14).

Phipps: . . . so that’s about all I have to say, Your Honor. I don’t have anything other than that. You know, my client lives in Chicago. We communicate occasionally on the phone, she sent me the documents. And um, she’s a doctor. She continues to earn a living, and she’s generally unavailable if you call her because she, she’s sort of a traveling doctor.

Judge: That’s not much of thing you come in here and tell us, I guess.

Phipps: Well, my attitude is, the [district court] judge got it right . . . . And as far as whether even Ricks should apply, I don’t think it should.

Judge: What do you do about Morgan?

Phipps: I don’t, I don’t, I don’t know Morgan, Your Honor.

Judge: You don’t know Morgan?

Phipps: Nope.

Judge: You haven’t read it?

Phipps: I try not to read that many cases, your Honor. Ricks is the only one I read. Oh, Ledbetter, I read Ledbetter, and I read that one that they brought up last night. I don’t know if that’s not Ledbetter, I can’t remember the name of it. Ricks is the one that I go by; it’s my North star. Either it applies or it doesn’t apply. I don’t think it applies.

Judge: I must say, Morgan is a case that is directly relevant to this case. And for you representing the Plaintiff to get up here—it’s a Supreme Court case—and say you haven’t read it. Where did they teach you that?

Phipps: They didn’t teach me much, Your Honor.

Judge: At Tulane, is it?

Phipps: Loyola.

Judge: Okay. Well, I must say, that may be an all time first.

Phipps: That’s why I wore a suit today, Your Honor.

Judge: Alright. We’ve got your attitude, anyway.

Here is the link to the decision: 5th Circuit Court of Appeals

Random Midweek Thoughts

• There is nothing more beautiful than New York City in the spring. The beauty of the city makes me long to escape from the cave where I pour over statutes, revenue rulings, regulations, cases, and treatises.
• I think every presidential candidate has the mentality of an elitist. What’s more elitist than thinking you can run the country better than any of the other 350 million people in America?
• In the year 2010, NBA analysts will all agree that the Dallas Mavericks made the worst trade of the decade. It was far worse than the swap Memphis Grizzles made when they sent Pau Gasol to the Lakers. Yes, even worse than both of the Shaquille O’Neal trades or even the Kevin Garnet gift to the Celtics. The Mavs mortgaged their future for the present, but the trade made them far worse in the present than they were before.
• Why has nobody from New Mexico ever visited our blog? Don’t people in Albuquerque like reading about a young couple in New York City?
• Work: can’t live with it, can’t shop without it.

Taxing Internet Income

Taxation in a virtual world, according to FoxTrot

(The link is to the comic strip FoxTrot- it's pretty funny...at least to a tax geek.)

Defending a Lawsuit (UPDATE)

UPDATE: Just to put these attorney fees in perspective: recently, similar Blackberry litigation resulted in legal fees of over $200 million for a victorious plaintiff's law firm back in 2006. The story for that case is HERE.

Imagine, a major British company needs to defend its patent, so they go to a large law firm in London. The case is to defend a patent for the technology behind the Blackberry. The company wants the finest defense money can buy for its patent, so they instruct the law firm to “leave no stone unturned.” The case is handled by two associates who work for fifteen months. Together, these two associates work 4,540 billable hours. Trainees and paralegals also spend considerable time on the project. A partner takes the case to trial. The culmination of all of this work was a victory. The client was happy. The lawyers were happy. But then the lawyers reveal their bill: a mere $10,320,000.00 (that’s $10.32 million). What complicates matters is that England follows a “loser pays” paradigm; thus, the law firm presented this bill to the court in order to force the losing company to pay. In this case, To make a long story short, a High Court in London rejected the bill. The judge complained, "For these sums of money, one would be entitled to expect each of them to be able to recite all the documents in the case by heart."

While the major law firms seem to (predictably) agree the fee is reasonable, some corporate consumers complain the cost is outrageous to defend a single patent.

I see a couple of issues here. First, the British "loser pays" system seems like a good way to curb frivolous lawsuits. Second, what happens when the defense seeks to pull out all stops to ensure they win their case? Who should pay the bill when the party whom is sued hires the best attorneys and instructs them to leave no stone unturned? In this case, the court decided that the loser only responsible for reasonable fees. Is the "loser pays" system something America should consider adopting?

You can read the story HERE.

Now That's a Big Donation

Have you ever wondered how much it would cost to get something significant named after you? More specifically, how much would it cost to get the NYU Medical Center renamed?

Answer: $200,000,000. Yes, that says two hundred million dollars.

NYU Medical Center announced this past week that it will be renamed the NYU Elaine A. and Kenneth G. Langone Medical Center, in honor of the chairman of its board of trustees and his wife, whose unrestricted $200 million gift is the largest in the Medical Center’s history.

How's This for an Offer?

Posted HERE on Craigslist:

I am searching for a student lawyer who is familar with the divorce laws of Illinois. Someone who is studying family law and would help assist me in my situation. Thus far I have written out my petition and obtain documents to be filed. But, I need someone to review my petition and statement before it is presented to the court. As a token of appreciation I will issue a check of $45.00 and two tattoo needles for two free tattoos (black and grey).

What Do Church and American Idol Have in Common? Not Much, I Hope.

I'm trying to decide if receiving this email from the lead pastor of a local church is reason enough to drop it from our list of potential church homes.

--

What do OUR CHURCH and American Idol have in common? More than you might expect!

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to audition for American Idol?

Perhaps you've always wanted to, but never had the time. Or maybe you've dreamed of using your talents in a way that inspires people, but were too afraid to step out and audition.

Or maybe you think that you just don't have the talent it takes to be a part of something like that?

Sure OUR CHURCH doesn't have celebrity judges or a show on primetime television, but let me tell you what we do have in common...

• a desire to help you use your gifts in a way that encourages and inspires you and those around you
• a process (auditions) to make that desire a reality

OUR CHURCH's Worship Arts Team will be holding auditions next Sunday, April 27 from 2:30pm-5:30pm at the AUDITION LOCATION.

You are invited to step up and take part in these auditions in the following areas:

• Worship Band
• Dance
• Drama
• Design / Visual Arts
• Production (audio engineer, video, lighting, backstage coordinator, etc.)
• Vocal
• Creative Writing (poetry, scripts, journalism, etc.)

--

While this church is certainly entertaining and it seeks to make church fun, I'm afraid it is not quite our cup of tea. "Fun" and "entertainment" are not our top priorities in a church home.

Celebrity Sighting

On a regular basis, dressing room trailers are setup outside my office building. For some reason (that I have yet to discover), my particular street is a popular place for filming. No, I am not just talking about my company’s studio. Since moving to NY, I have become quite accustomed to walking by celebrities. I must admit that most of the time the only reason I know they are famous is because of the paparazzi and fans surrounding them. Most of the time I have no idea whom I am looking at when I see the crowds on the street, but in a few rare cases I have actually recognized the famous face. For instance, just a few short weeks ago I walked by highly talented John Lithgow from Third Rock from the Sun—I actually remembered him from Harry and the Hendersons.

Well, today was a big sighting for me - I must admit that I am a little embarrassed over my excitement. I saw and said hello to JESS MARIANO (real name is Milo Ventimiglia) from the Gilmore Girls. Okay, so there is a slight chance that it may not have been him, but I am almost certain it was (I’m rather familiar with the show). I was walking up the stairs from the subway and I saw him. I knew I recognized him, but I couldn’t place from where. I frantically tried to figure out how I knew him, but finally just assumed it was someone I knew from work. As I walked by, I said, “Hey,” and his response “How’s it going?” It wasn’t until I reached the top of the stairs that I realized from where I knew him! For Christmas I received the first 6 seasons of the Gilmore Girls from my mother and sister-in-law, so I have become quite acquainted with this television show (which I love, by the way). I am sure you can just imagine my squeal when I realized that I had just exchanged words with none other than Milo Ventimiglia!

Bring on the Nugricks or the Maggets

It has been quite a year for the Lakers. The dreadful off-season began with the Lakers' star player demanding a trade, retracting, his demand, then demanding it again (and he continued to demand it through the first part of the season). On camera, the that same star player mercilessly ripped into younger teammates, demanding they be traded. When the season began, many pendents predicted the Lakers would miss the playoffs. Even fans figured their team would be fortunate just to make the playoffs. Most of us were preparing several more years of mediocrity.

To everyone's surprise, the Lakers won the Western Conference last night - the most competitive conference that the NBA has ever seen. It's a good time to be a Laker fan.

Oh, as a Laker fan, I extend my sincerest thanks to the Memphis Grizzlies for trading us your star player in exchange for the equivalent of a two hot dogs and can of soda. The Laker Nation thanks you, and we will continue to thank you for years to come.

Quotes for Tax Day

“Taxation with representation ain’t so hot either.” — Gerald Barzan "A tax loophole is something that benefits the other guy. If it benefits you, it is tax reform.'' — Russell B. Long, U.S. Senator “The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” — Albert Einstein “Income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf.” — Will Rogers “I am proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is – I could be just as proud for half the money.” - Arthur Godfrey “Where there is an income tax, the just man will pay more and the unjust less on the same amount of income.” — Plato

Lawyers Give Back

You have, undoubtedly, heard the media reports about how officials entered the YFZ Ranch run by the "Fundamentalist Latter Day Saints" in Eldorado, Texas, where they removed 416 children. I just want to share once piece of information that might have slipped by you:

"Texas bar officials said more than 350 lawyers from across the state have volunteered to represent the children free of charge."

As reported by MSNBC here.

Our Trip to Chocolate by the Bald Man

This past weekend, Wife persuaded me to come out of my cave in the library for dinner with some friends at a notable NYC establishment: Max Brenner's Chocolate by the Bald Man. This place has been on our "must try" list since we moved here, but we never found an excuse to go until some friends invited us to join them.

"Chocolate by the Bald Man" is just what it sounds like - absolute utopia for chocolate lovers. When I entered, I felt like I was standing in the middle of a grown-up's version of Willie Wonka's Chocolate Factory. If you can imagine a chocolate dish, whether it be milk, dark, or white chocolate, "Max Brenner" probably serves it up (actually, Max Brenner, the face of Chocolate by the Bald Man" is a purely fictional character, albeit based upon the real owners).

Wife and I attempted to stop in here back in December to try a dessert, but we popped in and it was so terribly crowded, that we shook our heads and walked away (homeboy don't do 90-minute waits). On this visit, the wait was a much more manageable 15 minutes. To make the time fly, we were able to enjoy good conversation with our friends, although the ambiance is so loud and hectic, talking was rather difficult.

When we finally got seated, our hostess handed us each two menus: a thin menu with the food selection and a thick one with the dessert listings. Wife told me I couldn't jump straight to dessert, so I chose a crepe as my pre-dessert obligation while Wife chose pasta.

After the preliminaries were out of the way, we got down to business. After much discussion, Wife and I decided to get the "Chocolate Pizza for Two." It was very good, though I doubt I would order it again.

Since I am clearly a fine dining authority, I will offer my evaluation of the restaurant:

* Service: 5/10. UPDATE: Wife would like to "correct" this score to 2/10.

If you look up reviews online, you will see frequent criticisms of the service: those criticism's are justified. Here are a few of the oddities that we experienced: first, the waitress spilled water all over Wife while trying to refill her glass. The server's response: an annoyed, "Sorry 'bout that," before rushing off as if it were nothing. 2) Server began to set a dessert plate in front of us, when she noticed it was dirty and quickly snatched it up. The server than stood next to us, dipped a napkin into a pitcher of water, cleaned off the dirt, and handed the plate back to us. 3) I really don't think a manager should need to get involved in order to pay with two different credit cards, particularly, when we tell the waitress before ordering that is how we pay (and we are told, "Oh, no problem"). Since the service has such an atrocious reputation, I can't help but wonder if they keep it up intentionally.


* Food (non-dessert): 8/10.

Mex Brenner's is not known for their food; they are known for their desserts. With that said, I thought our food was very good (not spectacular, but very good).


* Dessert: 9/10.

What? I'm not giving them a 10??? Yeah, I know - I'll hear about this. I think that most of the desserts on the menu do deserve a 10. But, honestly, I was rather disappointed with our chocolate pizza. The crust was a bit thick, drowning out the taste of the chocolate; and I also thought they skimped a bit on the toppings.

This is definitely a restaurant that I want to try again someday. Next time, I think our plan will be to go just for dessert and then to order something other than chocolate pizza. Someday, I would like to go there and try to "Chocolate fondue for two," which has milk chocolate, white chocolate, dark chocolate, and caramel. Maybe next time.

Law & Order SVU

Since LindaJ was kind enough to nominate Alex Cabot of Law & Order SVU in response to yesterday's post, I thought I would share a quick story.

Last week, Wife and I went to go meet a broker to look at an apartment here in Manhattan. Wife left work early and I packed up from the library, then we set out to meet this broker. The broker caused us extensive irritation. While we stood outside the building waiting for him, he called Wife's cell phone to inform us that he was unable to show the apartment that day - and he would like to reschedule for the next. Yes, we were thrilled.

In our attempt to make lemonade out of those lemons, we decided to spend that hour enjoying the city. We picked up some dinner, then decided to stroll down some streets we had never explored on our way home.

As we casually walked and talked, we noticed several movie trailers surrounding us. That's a rather common occurrence around here, but it did make us perk up. As we looked around, we saw a crew unloading cameras and props. We also saw a good number of private security guards. We began to look a bit more closely and we noticed that many of them were wearing shirts, jackets, and/or hats that said, "Law & Order SVU."

Apparently, we stumbled into the middle of a Law & Order shoot.

Nominations

I have been trying to think up a new poll for the blog, and I saw poll that I thought would be interesting: What is your favorite on-screen lawyer? Once a poll is up, I can’t change it.

So, before I post it – are there any nominations.? Here is what I have so far:

Atticus Finch / Gregory Peck, To Kill a Mockingbird
Henry Drummond / Spencer Tracy, Inherit the Wind
Perry Mason / Raymond Burr, Perry Mason
Lt. Daniel Kaffee / Tom Cruise, A Few Good Men
Denny Crane / William Shatner, Boston Legal
Jack McCoy / Sam Waterson, Law & Order
Jake Brigance / Matthew McConaughey, A Time to Kill
Lionel Hutz / Phil Hartman, The Simpsons
Elle Woods / Reese Witherspoon, Legally Blonde;
Fletcher Reede / Jim Carrey, Liar, Liar.

Absolutely, Positively, the Worst Team in the History of Professional Sports

This recent article in New York Magazine is a great read to understand why it is painful to be a basketball fan in New York right now. To wet your appetite, here is the first paragraph (it is a very well-written article):

As the Knicks wind down their seventh-straight losing season, a biblical drought of ineptitude and ill grace, all hands seem ready to bail. The owner, the cable-TV scion with the bully’s temper and sad goatee, is rarely seen in his baseline seat. The $9 million–a–year milquetoast center cannot live with the $13 million nightclubbing power forward, who in turn can’t wait to be traded. The $20 million prodigal point guard, hobbled by foot surgery and a gangrenous attitude, sits embittered in a big house in Purchase—just a full-court heave from the home of his coach and erstwhile father figure, to whom he is now dead. And that $6 million coach counts the days like a guest at Guantánamo as he waits for an older, wiser head to end his misery.

In stark contrast, it's a great time to be a Laker fan!

Ethical Dilema

I just received an email from someone affiliated with the play that we saw last weekend (a free email account was set up to send out this email). The email began

"I hope you all enjoyed THE PLAY! Brag to all your friends that you were the first to see this cool new show (and tell them that they should see it ASAP)."

I'm taking the name of the play out of the quote so it is not so easy to Google. Note that we were amongst the first people to see the play at this theater (we were there for the second night) - makes it hard for a person to see the play a week before. At least for a member of the general public.

The email continues:

"There are more free tickets in your future to more Broadway and Off-Broadway shows!"

Wow...more free tickets? Do we need to do anything?

Just right a positive review of PLAY on the internet and send us the link to what you wrote. We suggest writing a review on Facebook, MySpace, the NY Times, or a personal blog.

Well, it looks like people associated with this play are checking the internet to see what the public has to say!

This leads me to an ethical dilemma: is it wrong to write a positive review of a lousy play?***

That then leads to a second question: do I really want whatever tickets they would like to give me?

*** For the record, I thought the acting was outstanding. Great cast - and they did a great job. I just didn't care for the writing. The writing wouldn't have bothered me so much if it wasn't promoted as being so "smart" and "witty."

He Must be a Huge Red Sox Fan

I was studying executive compensation, and I found the following article regarding the compensation package of Bank of America chairperson, Charles Gifford, upon his retirement:

“But Mr. Sosa’s prospective goody bag seems meager when compared with the retirement piñata that the Bank of America plans to bestow on Charles K. Gifford when he steps aside as its chairman at the end of this month…The bank guarantees him $50,000 a year in consulting fees, 120 hours of free flight time a year in the company’s jet, and an office and a secretary, according to federal securities filings. All of this is on top of the $38.4 million in company stock that he has accrued over his 38-year career… Wait. There is more: Mr. Gifford, a Bostonian, has also been offered the right to buy 60 Red Sox tickets from the bank annually for the rest of his life.”.” “Mayday? Payday? Hit the Silk!”, New York Times (January 8, 2005).

I will admit to not yet being an expert on executive compensation packages, but I thought the lifetime use of the jet and the Red Sox tickets funny.

The intellectual exercise here is whether the Red Sox tickets are subject to IRC Section 409A. If so, will buying a ticket early subject him to millions of dollars of taxes? Answer: yes.

Almost an Evening - Almost a Decent Play

This past week, I was given the opportunity to sign up for a waiting list for two free tickets to an off-Broadway play called Almost an Evening. After signing up, I forgot about it since the waiting list didn’t sound like a very promising opportunity to actually get tickets. Yesterday afternoon, I got an email saying my two tickets were indeed reserved. After leaving the library at about 7:00, wife and I met to go see the show.

Side note: “Off-Broadway” is a term used to describe any show in Manhattan that plays in a theater with 100-499 seats. If a show has fewer than 100 seats it is called “off off-Broadway.” If there are 500 or more seats, it is “on Broadway.” What does it matter? Essentially, it is all about money. The union contracts are dependent upon the different categories.

Eventually, I’m going to learn my lesson that when the tickets are free, they probably aren’t worth it – but that reality is still lost on me.

For free tickets, our seats were tremendous. We were in the third row, close enough to the center to get a great view. I felt badly for those patrons with much worse seats than us who plunked down $20 to $50 a pop.

The play had an outstanding cast, including Mark Linn-Baker (best known as Larry from Perfect Stranger), F. Murray Abraham (an Oscar-winning actor), and a handful of others who are rather well-known for their work. While I wasn't impressed with the play, I thought the actors were excellent.

According to the promotional material Almost an Evening contains:

"...three short plays unsuccessfully tackle important questions. In Waiting, someone waits somewhere for quite some time. In Four Benches, a voyage to self-discovery takes a British intelligence agent to steam baths in New York and Texas, and to park benches in the U.S. and U.K. In Debate, cosmic questions are taken up. Not much is learned."

The show has received outstanding reviews – but, in my opinion, it was rather lousy.

The best part of the play was the last ten minutes, when it the play depicted the play ending and the actors depicting audience members discussing how the play was “stupid” and they “didn’t get it.” I thought that conclusion was rather clever because it humorously depicted those who badmouth the show as ignorant and simple minded. That ending made very difficult to be too negative – we just watched them making fun of people for saying the same thing that I was thinking.

I will admit. Those of you who know me know that I am nothing more than a simple minded fool – but I didn’t get it, and I thought the show was stupid.

Feel free to leave scornful comments on how I missed the brilliance of a magnificent show in the comments below.

Huge Law School News!

This news article appeared in Harvard Law School's student newspaper, The Remand, on Tuesday, April 1:

Dean Kagan Hires Every Law Professor in the County

Harvard Law School's communications office announced today that HLS has hired every law professor in the country, solidifying its position as the preeminent law school in America.

Dean Elena Kagan said that she got the idea from recent additions to the faculty. "As soon as we'd hire one professor from, say, Columbia or Chicago," said Kagan, "he or she would suggest another
prize we should grab. We hired two, then three, then finally realized we were only delaying the inevitable."

"Plus," added Kagan, "our U.S. News ranking was being held back by our student-teacher ratio." Harvard's student-teacher ratio, formerly 11:1, currently stands at 1:17. ...

Harvard completed its monopoly yesterday by hiring the final holdout, William van Alstyne, from William and Mary. Van Alstyne, who had moved to William and Mary from Duke after William and Mary agreed to hire his wife, was swayed after Harvard agreed to hire his wife, three children, 6-year-old grandchild, and his dog, Oliver Wendell Bones, who will all teach legal research and writing.

While most other law schools have folded, Virginia announced plans to continue operations, handing over teaching roles to its 80-strong softball coaching staff. Reactions from the Virginia student body on the difference will be printed in the Record the next time a Virginia student attends a class. ...

Yale Law School objected to Kagan's claims, observing that their faculty remained intact. Kagan dismissed the allegations, noting that no one actually teaches law at Yale.

I Wouldn't Work for This Judge!!!

Sometimes, I read the newspaper and wonder in amazement, "Really? Seriously? That just can't be true. Nobody would actually do that would they?" Here is an article that appeared in today's Los Angeles Times regarding a Nevada judge.

If the allegations against Elizabeth Halverson are true, then the judge often handled her staff with the temperament of a toddler.

Her former bailiff said he was forced to heat and serve her lunch, check the temperature of her ice water, brush lint from her robe, help her put on her shoes, massage her neck and cover her with a blanket before her nap.
...
Oh, and she's running for reelection.
...
Halverson, who took the bench in January 2007, said in an interview that many of the accusations were either rookie mistakes blown out of proportion or just plain false. She's being singled out, she said, because she is a grass-roots candidate and "not somebody in the juice machine.
"Here's somebody who just got on the bench. . . . How could they be so horrible that they should be removed?" Halverson said. "I think this is the kind of thing that makes
people look at the justice system and be concerned."

Mmmmmmm.....Ice Cream

Last weekend, Wife and I went on a “double date” with a couple from Law School. For dessert, we decided to try the famed “Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory.” For anyone who loves ice cream, this place is definitely a spot worth exploring. Wife and I both consider ourselves ice cream lovers, so this was a real treat. The place is popular – very popular. Even in freezing cold weather, we still had to stand in line for about half an hour at nine o’clock at night to get our ice cream fix. I hear the line is a nightmare on hot summer evenings.

Once it was our turn in line, we had to make that tough decision: what flavors should we try? Wife and I decided to get a three-scoop bowl to share (which was cheaper than each of us getting a single scoop). Wife really wasn’t much help with this decision (“Really, I like all of them”), so I selected flavors I knew we would both enjoy. The bottom of the bowl was filled with chocolate-chocolate chunk; on top of that was a pile of coffee ice-cream; our bowl of heaven was made complete with a heap of butter pecan. Without belaboring the point, Wife and I agreed that this was definitely the best ice cream either of us had ever experienced.

Here is what the NY Times had to say about the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory:

On a recent November afternoon at the Brooklyn Ice Cream Factory, a new shop in a historic fireboat house under the Brooklyn Bridge, Mark Thompson was mixing chocolate. He was using Valrhona, the premier French chocolate, for his two chocolate-flavored ice creams, but he was not quite happy with it.
"It doesn't freeze well," he explained as he offered a visitor a taste of the mixture. A few minutes later, he furrowed his brow. "I shouldn't have done that," he said. "Now I've ruined your palate." That Mr. Thompson thinks about ice cream in terms of how it engages the palate is a testament to his obsession. Like an ice cream sommelier, he describes a great vanilla as "natural, clean and silky," and sings the praises of his favorite vanilla extract producer, Nielsen Massey, in a 15-minute lecture on the art and science of the vanilla bean. He laments the evils of bleached sugar and preaches the righteousness of fresh peaches over canned.
A self-proclaimed ice cream purist, Mr. Thompson decided to limit the number of flavors he would serve to eight: vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, vanilla chocolate chunks, chocolate chocolate chunks, butter pecan, peaches and cream, and coffee.
"I just wanted to do the classics," he said. "I'm not trying to be Baskin-Robbins." He also decided that he would not sell any ice cream older than 10 days, to ensure freshness.